Rafiki. Probably the character in the Lion King movie that got the most attention for the least screen time. And my favorite character. At the point when Simba finally realized who he is and what he needs to do, Rafiki simply says, “It is time.”
Well, today, for me, it is time.
I haven’t posted in a while. The nice, neat (and totally not true) reason for that would be that life has just been so busy. I’ve allowed myself to believe that. But the real, raw, transparent truth is that I’ve just been afraid. Or maybe intimidated. I still don’t know if it’s the right word.
When my post in late August went viral, I was overwhelmed to say the least. My quiet little blog was suddenly garnering enough attention that national news shows were contacting me. It very much felt like being thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life jacket, floaties or even a one of those pool noodles. I tread the water and made it back to the shallow end and returned to “normal” life. Except that I found myself avoiding this space. The space where I grow, heal, learn, share. I was avoiding it.
Suddenly, instead just sitting down and giving life to what was in my heart, I questioned every thought or idea that I felt might be leading to a post. How do I follow up such a big post? What if people don’t like it? Before it was mostly family & friends that read, but now it’s strangers. What if they don’t get me? What if? What if? What if? I totally lost sight of the God part of all of this. And at the end of the day, my only question should be if my Father was pleased with what I write. I’ll never please everyone. I may offend people by being me and sharing my heart. But as long as God sees what I write as a pleasing offering to Him, that’s where my confidence lies. That’s where my validation and affirmation comes from.
And I still didn’t write.
But over the last week, God has been stirring some things in my heart. And I know they belong here, in this space. Today, as I sat trying to focus on work, I heard the voice of Rafiki in my spirit. (What? God can use a crazy cartoon monkey to talk to me if He wants to.) It is time.
So, I’m back. I’m refocused. I’m resting in the confidence that this space isn’t about me. It’s never been about me. It’s about Him. And what He wants to do through what He puts on my heart.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for letting me be transparent. It is time.
2 Replies to “It is time…”
Beth, I know the feeling. I personally think your letter got some people to thinking, maybe even our Johnny. I am so excited as I’m going to the game tomorrow and actually going to see him in action live.
I’m not real computer savvy and am on Facebook mostly to see photos of my grandsons and keep in touch with people especially in other time zones where it makes it more difficult. Sometimes I get real incensed about something (like when my great-nieces, 22 and 23, make some stupid posts that they’re old enough to know better than to do!) and then I make a comment and hear from my children I shouldn’t do that….since when can’t an older person say what they think especially when it is meant to only help that younger person. Like you said, can’t please everyone….so I too have refrained from making comments lately. Maybe I have to get a little older (I’m only almost 74) and then I can get away with it…..ha!ha! So say what you want, if someone doesn’t like it, then don’t read it. We are all entitled to our opinion, even when it doesn’t agree with someone else’s.
Gotta go get my cornbread out of the oven….to go with my chili I’m taking to the tailgate tomorrow. Gig ’em Aggies!!!! And God bless you! I have to think Johnny got your message as he seems to have quieted down somewhat and those nasty comments about him have subsided.
XO Helen aka Mom
Thank you for that encouragement Helen! And enjoy that game tomorrow. I’m sure it will be a good one!