None of it matters anyway

This is one of the busiest times of year around here.  The wrapping of baseball season, soccer season.  All of the end of school activities.  Birthday parties, graduation parties.  All good things.  All fun things.  All things that get that “best foot forward” treatment.  I want teammates, classmates, teachers, parents to remember us well.  So those people get the best of my charming personality.

But here’s the thing.  I don’t know that my family would always find me so charming.  The other day I had been chatting with neighbors.  We were talking, laughing, looking forward to summer getting here.  Then I walked in the house and one little thing from one of the kids flipped a switch.  That charming girl who had just been laughing outside with the neighbors was now snappy inside the house.  With the people who matter most.

WHY?

 Why is it so easy to turn on the charm for those who we see outside of our homes and so easy to turn it off for those who matter most? I’ve really struggled with this the last few days.  Yes, I need to be that charming version of me outside of the house.  Because if all of the things that popped into my head came out of my mouth when I was in public, well, let’s just say I’d be much less than charming.  But I need to be that person at home, too.

I need to be that person who better balances discipline and grace.  I need to be that person whose patience is as long at home as I pretend it is in public.  I need to be that person who was charming enough to get my husband’s attention when we first met and keep pursuing him now.

It’s ironic that I’m coming to this realization now, just as school is about to let out for summer.  And we’ll be around each other much more.  But I’m really looking forward to it.  I know it will be a battle inside for me.  I know that I’ll bite my tongue a lot.  And maybe have to put myself in a timeout or 27.  But I want my kids and my husband to see the best of me.  I want to God to get the best of me.  Because when I’m not the best wife or mom I can be, I’m not honoring God in the beautiful life he’s given me.  And if I’m not honoring Him, and if I’m not giving my family my best, none of the rest matters anyway.