So, you’ve probably seen my recent posts about Jen Hatmaker’s book Interrupted. If you haven’t, here’s the nutshell wrap up: it totally wrecked me. And it stirred something in me. And to be honest, I’ve begun to feel frustrated that I haven’t been able to discern what the stirring is. Or what it means. Or what I’m supposed to do next.
Yesterday, I sat down and looked at the cover of the book and let out a whiny, “Now what?!”
And God answered. And I really didn’t like it.
Here’s some back story for ya that got me to yesterday. A little while back I was tasked with something (actually it was a suggestion at the time) that was COMPLETELY outside of my comfort zone and I totally blew it off. Here’s the thing. It’s not at all a “spiritual” thing. It’s not even a hard thing. But it’s a thing that is out of my comfort zone. So out of my comfort zone that I’ve avoided it like bad coffee. Until yesterday, when it became apparent that not only could I no longer avoid this thing, I’m actually going to have to do it. Oh, and I’m not feelin’ it AT ALL.
So, back to my “now what” moment. God answered, but not with what I wanted to hear. See, instead of a direction or some instruction about a divine path, He wanted to chat about that little, completely non-spiritual, insignificant, out-of-my-comfort-zone thing. Ummm…what?
He so gently spoke to my spirit and said, “If you can’t be obedient in this little thing, how do you expect to be obedient in the big things?” Hold the phone, God. What was that? This out of my comfort zone thing wasn’t something from YOU! It had noting to do with You or obedience to you or a spiritual calling.
As God shakes his head (because that’s what I see in my head because I’d shake my head at me), He told me that although He didn’t drop this thing on me himself, it was absolutely from Him. He told me that if this small thing was enough to keep me from venturing out of my comfort zone when there’s really not much on the line, there’s no way I’d be able to obey the bigger spiritual things. He asked me if I was still content with my comfortable Christianity.
Y’all, it was a tough moment. If He had led with the whole “content with comfortable Christianity” thing, I would have been rather indignant in answering that I most certainly was not content. But the truth is, I’m not discontent enough to step out of my comfort zone in obedience. But I’m getting there.
This “thing” itself will probably have no Kingdom impact when it’s all said and done. (Seriously y’all, it’s so insignificant and not a big deal…just not comfortable for me. And it’s dumb that it’s uncomfortable for me. Have we established well enough that I like my comfort zone?) But my obedience in the thing, even though I want to throw up at the thought of doing it, has a huge impact on how I’ll allow God to use me in His Kingdom.
So today, I’ll work diligently on this non-Kingdom thing and fight the urge to run from it. Today, I’ll obey in stepping outside of my comfort zone, not because I’m excited about the task at hand, but because I want to be so discontent in my comfortable Christianity, that my comfort zone is a non-issue when God calls.
God, create in me an obedient heart. Prepare me for the path ahead with these little and big stretching things. Create in me a brave heart that’s more afraid of missing out than stepping out.